Thank you dear (:
I keep seeing all these apology cakes about reblogging certian kinds of posts and i just wanted to say im not fucking sorry
"It’s nothing you’d understand, but I do have something to say. In fact, I have a lot to say, but now is not the time or place. I don’t know why I’m wasting my time or breath. But what the hell? As for what is said of my life, there have been lies in the past and there will be lies in the future. I don’t believe in the hypocritical, moralistic dogma of this so-called civilized society. I need not look beyond this room to see all the liars, hater, the killers, the crooks, the paranoid cowards—truly trematodes of the Earth, each one in his own legal profession. You maggots make me sick— hypocrites one and all. And no one knows that better than those who kill for policy, clandestinely or openly, as do the governments of the world, which kill in the name of God and country or for whatever reason the deem appropriate. I don’t need to hear all of society’s rationalizations, I’ve heard them all before and the fact remains that what is, is. You don’t understand me. You are not expected to. You are not capable of it. I am beyond your experience. I am beyond good and evil, Legions of the night—night breed—repeat not the errors of the Night Prowler and show no mercy. I will be avenged. Lucifer dwells within us all. That’s it”.
—Richard Ramirez’s statement before he received sentencing at his trial
How could it happen? How could two young gunmen enter a school and open fire on students and faculty, leaving a path of death and destruction behind them? But for Sarah, the tragedy soon struck much closer to home, when she learned one of the two suspected killers was her friend Eric Harris She had stayed in touch with him since he moved from Plattsburgh six years ago.
"He was my boyfriend when he left," Sarah said, sitting on the patio of her Plattsburgh home Sunday afternoon. "But we were in the sixth-grade. He was a boy who was my friend." The last time they saw each other, Sarah, Eric Harris and some other friends went to the Clinton County Fair together. Sarah knew Eric was moving away, but the trip to the fair was not to say good-bye to friendship. It was just a group of kids having fun on the carnival rides. "He was a shy kid, but he was a good kid," she recalled. "I never knew him to do anything wrong when he was here. We were in the same group of kids, and we always hung out together, both inside and out of school."
When Harris moved away, the two kept in touch writing letters. But soon they realized they could stay closer by e-mailing and talking on-line through America On Line’s Instant Messaging. ”I don’t know if it was a conscious decision or what, but we just continued to stay in touch,” Sarah said. “Definitely, it has declined over the years, but, basically, I would tell him what was going on in my life, and he would talk to me about his.”
Sarah said she seldom saw the anger that was building up inside Harris, though he let her know that he wasn’t happy in Littleton. ”When he first moved there, he didn’t like it at all,” she said. “I don’t remember if it was because he didn’t have any friends or if he didn’t like the environment.” The Eric Harris she knew did not like violence, Sarah said.
She never knew that he had become interested in guns and bombs, or about his homepage that described an angry teen-ager filled with hate. ”Obviously, things changed,” she said. “If he had stayed here, I don’t think this ever would have happened.” Sarah said she only saw the angry Harris once in an e-mail he wrote awhile ago. But she can’t recall what it was about. She didn’t respond to it at the time, but, she said, it “did scare me a little.” Harris did tell her about the time he and Dylan Klebold, the other suspected gunman, were arrested for vandalizing a vehicle about a year ago. ”We talked about it on-line, and we talked about it on the phone a little, but he said it was not a planned thing,” she said. “It was just a spur-of-the-moment decision. He was put on probation and grounded. I remember he couldn’t use his computer, so we didn’t talk for a while. I don’t think we discussed it again.”
E-mails and phone conversations between Sarah and Harris were not very regular anymore. Usually, the two would hook up on Instant Messaging, the AOL service that allows people to write notes to each other very quickly, almost as if they were in the same room talking. Still, the conversations did not reveal Harris’s dark side. Sarah talked about her future plans at college, and Harris said he was considering a local college but might go into the military. But that all changed Tuesday night. Sarah was sitting in the den with some friends, knowing that something had happened in a school in the Denver area. It wasn’t until she saw it was Harris’s school that she started to worry about him. ”I had a feeling something bad had happened,” she said.When her friends left, Sarah went on-line to see if Harris might be on-line as well. He was not. She tried calling his house several times, but there was no answer. It wasn’t until the next day, when Sarah was about to leave for a trip to Brandeis University, where she’ll attend college in the fall, that she found out. ”My dad came out to the car and told me Eric was one of the shooters,” she said. “That’s how I found out.” At freshman open house that day, all Sarah could think of was her connection to the Colorado tragedy. ”I cried all day,” she said. “The second day I pretty much stopped crying, except when people mentioned it. But I’m kind of glad I was out of town. There was just too much going on here for me to deal with.” She said it’s still hard to connect Harris with the killings. ”I’ve been thinking and thinking about what I would say to him if he was alive,” she said. “I can’t even describe to you how I feel about this. I know it’s real, but I can’t believe it. ”I focus on Eric killing people, and I just can’t picture it. ”I can’t imagine what those people are going through. I can’t imagine what the parents of Eric and — Dylan, is it? — are going through. I extend my deepest sympathy to all of those people.” Sarah doesn’t recall the last time she talked to Harris. She can’t check her e-mail because, for some reason, all the Davis AOL accounts have been frozen. Sarah guesses it might be because she was on Harris’s e-mail list.
- From a Plattsburgh newspaper interview with Sarah Davies.
Eric with Brandi in Columbine